I see people all the time who seem way more at peace then me. I hear the expression, “not a care the world”, all the time. I wonder a lot about what it would be like to really be at peace or not have care in the world. Is there ever a time when you can lay your head down and just know that everything is going to be all right. Was there ever a time like that for me. Will I ever reach a time when look at myself and life and say this is what I meant to be?
Standing next to me in this lonely crowd,
Is a man who swears he's not to blame.
All day long I hear him shout so loud,
Crying out that he was framed.
I see my light come shining
From the west unto the east.
Any day now, any day now,
I shall be released.
Bob Dylan
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
My Yanks have fallen!
This is one of the hardest nights of the year for me. Just a little while ago the last out of my beloved Yankees season was recorded. The sinking in is slow to rise. You don't feel it at first. Not now, not tonight. Tonight you feel nothing. Tonight you feel empty.
Tomorrow though is different. Tomorrow I don't have to look and see whose pitching. Tomorrow 7:05pm is just 7:05pm. Who will I turn to when I have had a shit day, who will go 3 for 4 to battle out of slump and show me how to battle through adversity.
Day two is ugly. Like a drunk starting to feel the effects of detoxing, anxiety takes over not just your mind, but your body too. You lash out at Sports Center, and the other teams. You feverishly flip through the channels looking for a new ending to the season but it never changes, you just continue to relive that last fly ball landing in the fielder’s glove over and over. It really is over.
Day three, four and five are a blur, Lots of rumors and second guessing, and a lot of calls from adversaries looking to gloat. You don't complain, and you don't make excuses. You don't blame curses, bad calls or even bugs. You congratulated the victors and you think of next year. The other guys may break your heart, but they can't take you heart. Your heart stays with your team.
Day six you start to think about the new guys, the young guys, and the guys coming back next year to settle some unfinished business.
Day seven you get mad again and start thinking what if this and what if that. But no.
October ends, a new champ has been crowned. Can we please just move on already?
Then nothing, football, the holidays, taxes, blah, blah, and blah! Life’s routine has continued. You have good days, you have bad days, you have days you are not even sure. You get into new shows, see six movies; you may even find a new hobby. Nothing, however, really fills the void. The void just sits there. It sits there so long you forget it is there. Then it happens.
Just after the super bowl, kind of around tax time, you are doing something and half watching Sports Center and you hear the words. Words that bring the once raging and now dormant fire in your belly instantly back to a raging inferno.
".................Just two weeks until pitchers and catchers report to spring training, what can we expect......"
It's freaking on. We are back!
Tomorrow though is different. Tomorrow I don't have to look and see whose pitching. Tomorrow 7:05pm is just 7:05pm. Who will I turn to when I have had a shit day, who will go 3 for 4 to battle out of slump and show me how to battle through adversity.
Day two is ugly. Like a drunk starting to feel the effects of detoxing, anxiety takes over not just your mind, but your body too. You lash out at Sports Center, and the other teams. You feverishly flip through the channels looking for a new ending to the season but it never changes, you just continue to relive that last fly ball landing in the fielder’s glove over and over. It really is over.
Day three, four and five are a blur, Lots of rumors and second guessing, and a lot of calls from adversaries looking to gloat. You don't complain, and you don't make excuses. You don't blame curses, bad calls or even bugs. You congratulated the victors and you think of next year. The other guys may break your heart, but they can't take you heart. Your heart stays with your team.
Day six you start to think about the new guys, the young guys, and the guys coming back next year to settle some unfinished business.
Day seven you get mad again and start thinking what if this and what if that. But no.
October ends, a new champ has been crowned. Can we please just move on already?
Then nothing, football, the holidays, taxes, blah, blah, and blah! Life’s routine has continued. You have good days, you have bad days, you have days you are not even sure. You get into new shows, see six movies; you may even find a new hobby. Nothing, however, really fills the void. The void just sits there. It sits there so long you forget it is there. Then it happens.
Just after the super bowl, kind of around tax time, you are doing something and half watching Sports Center and you hear the words. Words that bring the once raging and now dormant fire in your belly instantly back to a raging inferno.
".................Just two weeks until pitchers and catchers report to spring training, what can we expect......"
It's freaking on. We are back!
Friday, October 05, 2007
Building a web site is a bitch!
We are at about a week solid of working on this thing we call my web site, and it is still way far from what I want. I get so tired of people on the news talking about how it is so easy to make a web site anyone can do it. Hell, the terrorist do it, and their web sites are apparently so cool people are inspired to kill themselves. How are these sons a bitches droping html code with cool videos, and I assume some bad ass graphics and interactive shit, and they live in caves. I'm just saying if it was me living in some cave I would rather figure out how to make a toilet and shower before I would be sitting around trying to drop a killer web form code into my contact page. That's all I am saying!
Roy T Johnson
Roy T Johnson
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